Shepherds

I've participated in two Tuesday night Sunday readings Bible study sessions and have gotten a lot out of them. Coupled with the Sunday homily by our pastor (a Scripture scholar himself and former dean of a seminary), I have gotten so much more out of the Sunday readings than ever before.  But tonight I got even more than I ever expected.

In our Tuesday group, which I facilitated this past week (way to make the new guy run it!), we talked about a lot of stuff, but somehow didn't spend much time on the shepherds and shepherding found in the readings. But our homily at tonight's vigil Mass was about shepherding and how we all need to recognize when we are the shepherds and do our best to be good ones.

Tonight was also, incidentally, the first time reading for both of our lectors.  We had two new lectors and three brand new altar servers.  All did wonderful jobs, too!  But I got to the thinking: I trained both of these lectors and I'm in charge of scheduling our lectors, finding solutions to small problems that have already arisen (is it because of me and my newness?), and generally being a resource for the lectors I work with.  Then it dawned on me and hit me like a rock right between the eyes:  DAMN, I'M NOW A SHEPHERD MYSELF, A SHEPHERD OF THESE LECTORS!!!  It was like the kick in the ass that God gives me every once in a while because I enter a Jonah phase and tell God "No, I don't want to do it.  It will hurt." 

Now I recognize that I am in need of a lot of prayer, even more than I do now.  I need to focus this new part of my prayer on me, something that is very hard for me to do.  I need to ask God to grant me the graces I need to use the skills and talents he has loaned me for the greater good of the lectors in my parish, to prepare me for what is to come in the future in this position, and to give the lectors patience (they will need it, I'm sure).

I have not been blessed with a wife and children, I own no pets of any kind, and I am not leading any other groups right now besides being the lector coordinator at my parish.  Now I see I am also the one they look to because both lectors thanked me repeatedly after Mass and both made the comment that they didn't want to embarrass me.  Of course, I told them they could never embarrass me, but it struck me as humbling that they thought that that was even something they needed to worry about.  Another kick from God?  Maybe. Probably. But also a grace, of sorts, one that I need to reflect on more as I go even further into this position.  How can I be a better lector coordinator, helping these lectors?  What do they need that I can provide or get for them from another source?  How do I even go about doing that?