During some much needed prayer time recently, I stumbled upon two words that I had never thought were related: preparation and formation. To me, at least before now, I had always thought of them as roughly the same thing. But now I am not so sure.
As a lector, I spend a lot of time preparing to read the reading I am assigned. I first read it silently for a few days, then I look at surrounding Scripture to get the context of the reading. I look at the type of writing (poetry, oracle poetry, letter, speech, contemplation, narrative story). I then begin practicing reading it out loud and I spend a lot of time trying to get it right. That is my preparation.
Unbeknownst to me, since becoming my parish's lector coordinator, I seem to be gravitating toward formation and how it might change me to concentrate more on my place as a lector in my parish. I am pushing myself harder, trying to be better than I can be. But I wonder if I am not making myself change?
For a few months back in 2005, I stopped being a lector for a few months. In "formation speak," I guess, you'd call that taking a sabbatical. I did this because I was finding that when another lector read, I was concentrating on how they read and critiquing them instead of paying attention to the Word of God being proclaimed. I came away from that experience wanting to read again, but to do so for the glory of God, not for the glory of Russell.
It is hard not to critique people. I think that it is human nature, especially in this one - me! But preparation for one reading is not the same as formation toward becoming a better reader overall. Now that I am concentrating on more than me, concentrating on the congregation that I am reading to and making sure that I convey to them what God wants me to convey, I feel a little better about myself as a lector. I am not there for me, I am there for them. That makes me feel good, a rare thing indeed.
So I guess that preparation that leads to formation of the lector is a good thing, as long as it has a positive response in the lector's soul, in the way they act and react to their ministry.
Now I just worry that there is nothing else beyond this.
It's often difficult for me as a lector, not to listen to another lector with a critical ear. When I do, I do my best not to be critical of the lector, per se, but more to be critical of myself - what do I hear that's good and I should strive for or cultivate, or that's bad and I should work to avoid. So in the end, I strive for any critical listening to improve my own contributions to the ministry, which hopefully does glorify God.
ReplyDeletePeace!